Exclusive Interview with Evil Shero

Through my various blogging ventures, no one has supported me more than Evil Shero and Evil Bylsma on Twitter. I am grateful to them for every retweet and follow I gain due to them. It only seemed fitting to baptize the new blog with a post based on them. Evil Shero granted an interview Thursday night during the Pens game versus the San Jose Sharks. We talked about everything from the draft to the NHL’s proposed realignment. Here is what he had to say:

Evil Shero: Hi

Letangueray: I’m just gonna dive in here. Thank you for granting your first exclusive interview to High Heels and Hockey. I’m happy to have you here.

Evil Shero: Of course you are. What is this on this desk? It’s sticky. Can you get someone to wipe this up?

Letangueray: Hold on I have some Wet Ones in my purse…here you go.

Evil Shero: I’m not doing it. Don’t you have someone for that?

Letangueray: Hold on. Is Heinze waiting out in the hall? Can he do it? Nevermind. I’ll just take care of it. So, Staal is sitting tonight, but many thought he would be back after the 5 day break. Do you have any expectation of an ongoing problem?

Evil Shero: Staal is out with a lower body injury, which back in the day used to be a hilarious dick joke, but now it’s so vague. I talk to Kadar every day, and Staal was able to make the trip, but somehow not available to get my paper this morning.

It’s still a little sticky here. What is this gum … Or? Yuck, some is on my jacket I think.

Letangueray: I’m so sorry. I’ll pay for it to be dry cleaned.

Evil Shero: Don’t bother all my suits are one day disposable.

Letangueray: Very nice. Anyway, you have been posting on Twitter quite frequently that we are on Crosby Watch for the November 11th game against Dallas. Is there any real expectation that he could be ready?

Evil Shero: Sid is ready when he wants to be, really. I think my mixed signals about contact with Sid were not as funny as I had hoped. I would ask them not to hit him in the morning and tell Dan during practice to hit him.

Letangueray: Do you think his team mates may have some sort of fear of hitting him in the event that he regresses as a result?

Evil Shero: Depends. They seem to take me on the jumbo tron seriously, but all the flyers I put on their cars they seem to just throw away.

Letangueray: Ummm… that’s an interesting approach. Moving on.

Speaking of Flyers, how do you feel about the proposed realignment? The Flyers are the Pens biggest rival and they would go from playing them 6 times a year to just 2 in the regular season. Where do you stand on this?

Evil Shero: I do appreciate the rivalry, but on the plus side it’s 1 less time I have to stay in that wretched city. Do you know what a Philly Pillow is?

Letangueray: No?

Evil Shero: She charged $500 and it was awful.

Letangueray: That’s really pricey. But how do you think this realignment could affect ticket sales?

You would eliminate many games versus the Capitals and Canadiens and Rangers as well…plus the Islanders who the Pens now have bad blood with.

Evil Shero: It doesn’t matter much for our team who sells out all of our games, but teams like the Islanders who count on us to fill their building it may have a detrimental effect. If it happens new rivalries will naturally develop over time. When I was younger the Blues were a huge rival of the Pens, but now it doesn’t matter much.

Letangueray: The draft is coming to Pittsburgh next summer. Huge things are happening for the Pens since CONSOL opened and the team didn’t leave Pittsburgh.

Evil Shero: I was never worried about us leaving this city at any point. I remember when Mario and  I went to Kansas City for a bite to eat and to buy some parts for the Delorean I’m restoring. Everyone made a huge deal about it, so we just ran with it. The draft here will be nice, and to be honest we deserved it. We were actually set to host in 2005 but our Christmas decorations in the Mellon got away from us, and there was no room to accommodate the extra media we would have for the event.

Letangueray: In what ways will the draft be beneficial to local talent? How do you foresee the organization capitalizing on this opportunity?

Evil Shero: I think talent is talent no matter what city it’s in. I can see a huge influx in my “Do You Feel a Draft” t-shirts I’ve made for the event. They have the logo on the front, and a picture of a butt on the back. I have about 500 of them ready to go, and Kris Beech is going to sell them on the strip for the week previous to the event. I’ll make a good buck, and Kris beech gets some fresh air.

Letangueray: So you’re promoting the affectionately called “unlicensed Pittsburgh sports merchandise”?

Evil Shero: More than promoting: manufacturing, designing, and selling. When I see an opportunity, I jump on it.

Letangueray: So new waters for you then? Do you have any other ideas for the draft?

Evil Shero: I always go for the “best player available” strategy for the draft. It’s been a tradition for years to prank call Brian Burke the night before the draft and offer him Jordan Staal for picks. It’s taken off to other organizations to hang out have a couple of beers, and call Burkie.

Letangueray: As far as the hockey celebration and the draft itself and how it is run, have you pitched any ideas to Commissioner Bettman? Anything to bring a real “home town” feel to the event and give people a taste of Pittsburgh?

Evil Shero: I think the traffic to the arena will give them a nice taste of what our city has to offer. I have calls into PennDot to schedule work on Crawford Street during that week, and the buses will be unpredictable and off schedule.

Letangueray: You have been posting traffic alerts during games on Twitter. Is this something you are taking seriously? I mean people have been clearing out of CONSOL super early this season…it’s quite an alarming phenomenon.

Evil Shero: Yes. I’m trying to filter out the fans who don’t enjoy a whole game. I’m pitching the third period student rush to Mario where we would sell $20 tickets to all students with a valid ID to fill the seats voided by the people who fear traffic.

Letangueray: Do you think that selling more student rush tickets before the games is an option? Maybe upping it to 700 if they are available?

Evil Shero: No. Those kids don’t spend the money on merchandise like the wealthy season ticket holders do.  It takes a lot of Iron City to equal what a yuppie will pay to dress her 4 children in matching Crosby sweaters.

Letangueray: Well we are certainly looking forward to the rest of the season and the draft next summer. Thank you for your time, Ray.

Evil Shero: Anytime. Look into a new table, this one is gross.

Letangueray: Think you might want to chip in some funding for it?

Evil Shero: Sure, I’ll use my unlimited budget to buy tables for pretty ladies. I guess you hate Stanley Cups?

Letangueray: It can be from Target. I’m not opposed to that.

Evil Shero: Fill out a P.O. Tomorrow, submit to purchasing before 11.

Letangueray: Thanks Ray.  Have a good night. Let’s go Pens!

Screen shot me and email to evilshero@gmail.com to claim your prize!

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